Over my mini meltdown

I suppose when you are approaching three months of post-op rehab, it's easy to have a meltdown when things seem to be going backwards.

However, it's really important to keep perspective.  Three months really isn't that long in the grand scheme of having a major surgery.

After my horrible week last week, this week has been better.  I have been having some muscle spasms in my hip flexors (TFL, psoas, adductors) so I am pretty positive most of my pain is from that.  I had a massage this week and have really worked on doing things that don't require a lot of lifting of my leg.   Still not 100% pain free, but better.

Tomorrow my therapist wants me to try to run on the treadmill.  I'm not quite sure that's a smart idea knowing that my muscles are already unhappy.  It won't be for anything more than 30 seconds or so, though, so I suppose there's really not much harm there.  I won't be starting a real return-to-running program for another month and a half (mostly because of my schedule over the next 6 weeks but also because I want to be conservative about things).  

The thought of running for 30 seconds has me breaking into a cold sweat.  What if it hurts just like it did before surgery?  What if I'm no better off after all this?  What if, what if, what if.   I think I just need to do it, get over it, and stop having doubts about whether or not I have a running future.  Right?  Right.